| WHADDUP XANGA KIDS!
it's been a few..years..and yesterday was my xanga 5 year aniversary.
i am drunk and it's not yet 2 o'clock.
i live in long beach now for you lames that don't know.
UHH life is good.
got me a new bf. best thing eva
school. vodka. spring break.
dah! |
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| I can't put things into words anymore.
I've lost the ability to articulate,
I suppose.
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| every single fiber of my being is fucking screaming to get away from here.
it's so ridiculously uncomfortable
when your whole mind and body can't be in the environment you're in and there's nothing you can do about it.
MAN i am SO not zen right now.
i just sucked up so much snot and i felt like i was drowning.
logical x harm (10:57:57 PM): something needs to change around here
logical x harm (10:58:02 PM): cause i don't like the way things are
logical x harm (10:58:04 PM): not one bit.
i need to get the fuck out of my house and away from my parents for a few days
i need my one
i need my bff.
i need to forget about everything i've done
i need to salvage my sanity.
i need a clean start. |
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| my life has become a battle of who can deceive who the worst.
nobody wants the full story.
since you left i've been nothing but sad and self destructive
digging my self into deeper and deeper holes
and nobody's getting the truth from anyone.
get me away from this place. |
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| what am i supposed to do?
do you expect me to wait
and to be okay with this
and to act like nothing's wrong
i was more than willing.
i told myself i'd wait forever.
i thought,
it won't be long.
you said,
it'll be two weeks.
but then a week passed, two, three, four, five
i thought,
nightly drunk calls are better than no calls.
you said,
i'll be home for your birthday.
and i thought,
thank god.
but there hasn't been one sober night for you since you left
and now i think,
fat chance.
i've been in hibernation
i've been nothing but stalled
feeling uglier and uglier every day
waiting
oh, this is too familiar.
and i know i can't keep doing this.
i can't stay on hold forever.
honey, you're losing me.
and you, you'll think better than to wish for the change of the months.
everything is happening at the wrong end of a very long tunnel.
god. i am such a lonely fuck.
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